The Sauna Part 305

Jon and I became grandparents about a year after Richie and Carla. Stephanie had taken over my duties in managing the Fan Club and in addition to her successful career as a model, she was too busy to consider settling down and having a family just yet. It was Jesse who gave us our first grandchild.

Jesse and his girlfriend had been living together for several years when they called to tell us the news. Only Jesse had followed in his father’s footsteps and abandoned the religion he’d been raised with as he grew older. He and his girlfriend were both avid pagans and they belonged to a coven where they were both very active.

We were lounging around in the gazebo after harvesting herbs for a midsummer feast and the air was heavy with the scent of a coming storm. We heard the phone ring and quickly gathered our things and rushed towards the house, but only in time to hear the message Jesse left on the answering machine.

“Dad, Trish, it’s Jess. Wanna come to a Wiccaning around Beltaine next year?” followed by Jesse’s deep laugh and a giggle in the background.

Jon and I dropped the basket of herbs we’d been holding and stared at each other, dumfounded. Jon hit the playback and we listened again to make sure we’d actually heard the message correctly. As the shock began to wear off and we digested the news, Jon grabbed the phone and dialed Jesse’s number.

“Gods, I’m gonna be a grampa!” Jon said with a smile.

I was happy for Jesse, but for myself, well, I wasn’t so sure about moving into the role of Crone quite this soon. I had a vision of some withered old woman with great wisdom and knowledge and that just wasn’t me. The kids had never called me Mom-I was simply Trish-and I was pretty content with that arrangement. What if this new little babe started calling me Gramma? Nine months didn’t seem like enough time to get used to that idea.

“Hey Dad” I heard Jesse chuckle over the phone.

“Sounds like I won’t be the only one with that title much longer” Jon chirped excitedly.

“Yeah, I’m still getting used to that one myself. Think you can get used to hearing yourself being called Grampa?” Jesse teased.

“You better believe it! I can’t wait to tell Richie he ain’t the only one anymore!” Jon replied.

Jesse and Jon chatted back and forth and it wasn’t long before Jon realized I’d grown rather quiet. Usually I’d be champing at the bit to get my turn on the phone, but in truth I wasn’t sure what to say. I was trying to shake off the image I had about being a grandma. Jon handed over the phone and watched me expectantly, trying to gauge my reaction.

“Congratulations, Jess! It’s wonderful news and of course we’ll be there for both of you! Have you told your mom yet?” I asked, wondering how Dot was taking the news.

“Nope, Mom’s the next phone call actually. Not sure how she’s gonna like being invited to a Wiccaning versus a Christening” he admitted.

“I have no doubt she’ll be happy for both of you. She got through the Handfasting last year, so I’m sure she wouldn’t miss this event either” I said reassuringly.

I remembered the ceremony that Jon and I had attended and how awfully uncomfortable Dot and John had appeared. Jesse and Winnie had opted for a clothed ceremony since they’d invited a number of non-pagan family, but despite this concession, Dot was much stiffer than usual and I sensed her discomfort. She knew how Jesse felt and she accepted his choice of worship, but it was a whole other matter when she was confronted with it head on.

“No, I know she’ll come. I’m just not expecting much enthusiasm from her on that one. How about you, Trish? Will you do the ritual for us?” Jesse asked.

I felt a mixture of panic and pride, but mostly I was touched by the honor he was offering. I’d never conducted a Wiccaning before and I’d need to do some research, but I had plenty of time to prepare. Jesse was acknowledging my place as a Crone and I wasn’t quite ready to step into that role. It was a request I couldn’t refuse, but it confirmed what I’d already been thinking. I’d become a withered old woman in the eyes of Jon’s son. Was that how Jon saw me as well? I wondered.

“Of course, Jesse, if you’re certain that’s what you want. I am honored” I said with a gulp.

“Trish, we would be honored. It’s because of you that Dad found meaning again in his life and I probably would never have realized the importance of spirituality in my own life if it wasn’t for that. I’ve never told you how grateful I am that you introduced us to Wicca” he replied.

I had tears in my eyes and I began to choke up as I handed the phone back to Jon. He thanked his son for the honor he’d given us and slipped his arm around my waist as he hung up the phone.

“Baby, what is it? You weren’t expecting this?” Jon inquired, somewhat perplexed.

“Am I an old Crone?” I blurted out to Jon’s shock and amazement.

“A Crone? Baby, is that what’s the matter? You think you’re an old Crone?” Jon asked incredulously, unable to hide his surprise.

“I’m not even sixty! I don’t wanna be a Crone! Not yet!” I cried in despair.

“Trish, baby, c’mere. That’s not how it is” he said a little more gently, concealing his amusement as he hugged me tightly against him.

Some things were just harder on women, Jon thought to himself with a smile. He never once saw this coming as he’d never viewed me as “old”. In fact, Jon’s image of the Crone wasn’t much different than mine and so it was hard to imagine how I could possibly see myself in that way. But as he started to think more about it, he began to understand a little bit better. The Crone was the third aspect of the Goddess, the wise woman who guided the young and shared her knowledge with those who sought the wisdom of the Old Ways. In that sense, the role actually fit. It was a sign of Jesse’s respect, not a response to my age. The problem was the word “old”.

“You’re not old, babe, just…” he began but I cut him off.

“Don’t you dare say it! You’re making fun of me!” I protested.

“I was going to say wise, darlin’. You’re just wiser than the rest of us. That’s all it means” he said soothingly.

I looked at him sharply, but there was no hint of mockery, no trace of sarcasm. If he’d been teasing before, he was serious now. He knew I was genuinely distressed and his goal was to reassure me, not add to my angst. Damn, if Trish is a Crone, then that makes me the Dying Holly King, he thought soberly. Hell, I’m not ready for that either!

Just as the Goddess has three faces, so does the God. We recognize the Goddess in each of her aspects: Maiden, Mother and Crone and she is always present in one of her incarnations, representing the stages in the lives of women. The God cycles with the seasons and begins as the Child in the Spring and later becomes the consort to the Goddess, the Stag King. As Winter arrives, he is transformed into the Holly King who then dies, only to be reborn once again as the Child when light returns to the earth.

“Jon, we are getting older” I reflected.

“Yeah, but we’re not ready to just fade away. The final Winter will come for us Trish, but not before many more Summers have passed. If you’re a Crone, then you’re the damned hottest one…” he began resolutely but I hugged him and kissed him before he could finish.

“Am I still your Stag King?” he whispered into my ear and I nodded vehemently.

“Then you’re still my Queen” he whispered as he scooped me up in his arms and carried me up to the bedroom to prove it.


*********



The Wiccaning itself went very smoothly. We’d had nine months to get used to the idea and by the time our grandson was born, Jon and I had accepted our roles as grandparents. Someday I’d feel like a Crone, but that time was still a way off and we weren’t in a hurry to get there. Dot and John seemed better prepared this time as well and they seemed more at ease once the formal ritual was over.

“What you said, Trish, during the ceremony-it was beautiful. Really” Dot said as she passed me a honey cake and I poured her a glass of the mead we had brewed for the occasion.

“Thank you, Dot. I’m so glad you were both here. I wish Carol and John Sr. could have been here with us too” I replied.

Carol had passed away in the Fall after a stroke took her life unexpectedly. Jon’s dad was bereft and never fully recovered and he’d left us in the Spring to follow his wife. Jon had been devastated and despite all that had happened, I felt the loss too. Carol had surprised everyone when she became sober and Jon and she had reconciled for just over a decade when the tragedy struck. I was glad he’d had his mom back for a while, even if it meant that he grieved the loss that much harder when the time came. I had wished she could have been there that day.

Matt was the only other family member not in attendance. Jon and he never spoke again and out of deference to his father, Jesse did not invite him. We’d heard from Jon’s parents that Matt had been married and later divorced, but the kids didn’t keep in contact with their uncle as Matt never attempted to make amends for what he’d tried to do to their father. It left a hole in Jon’s heart, but he refused to make the first move and I respected his decision and I actually agreed with it. I never wanted to see Jon hurt that badly again.