The Sauna Part 276

“Morning baby. Did you sleep well?” I murmured, seeing Jon stretching and yawning over the top of the computer screen as I looked up, hearing him stir.

“Trish, come back to bed. Why are you up so early? We’ve got plenty of time before we leave for New Zealand” he admonished, seeing the clock showed it was only seven-thirty.

“I wanted to check and see if Jack got our email and whether the new site was up yet” I replied, turning my attention back to the screen.

I had slept rather soundly until a bad dream had woken me with a start and I needed to set my new plan in motion. I’d resolved during the night that I would never again allow myself to become so distracted that I neglected the business that Jon had entrusted to me. The nightmare I had about half the fans quitting Backstage had been only that; just a nightmare, but it served to confirm my need to get on the ball. In reality, Jack hadn’t even read our reply yet, so I began researching other boards.

“Trish?” Jon called out my name but I had already become quite engrossed in reading the comments people had made on the Topix forum about the band and the Fan Club.

“Trish!” Jon said again louder as he jumped out of bed and moved towards me, shutting the laptop without waiting for me to respond. “Come back to bed and let’s talk about last night” he insisted, tugging me along by my robe.

“Jon! I was in the middle of something!” I protested.

“This is more important” he announced resolutely, wanting to nip my renewed obsessiveness right in the bud.

I didn’t resist and climbed back into bed, knowing the computer would still be there when we were through. I had no intention of burdening him with my worries; I’d brooded enough for the both of us. I tried distraction instead.

“Last night was amazing. You were really spectacular, both onstage and off” I grinned rather salaciously.

“Darlin’, that’s not what I meant when I said we need to talk about last night” he said firmly.

I lowered my eyes, avoiding his gaze, and tried to dissuade him with flirting. I ran my fingernail down the length of his chest and licked my lips with a provocative smile as I straddled his lap. But something was wrong and he wasn’t responding.

“Trish, stop it! Why won’t you talk to me? Don’t shut me out!” he bellowed, shaking me a bit angrily.

“Jon, just leave it alone, will you? I’m ashamed enough as it is, do you have to make me confess?” I cried desperately, color creeping high on my cheeks.

Jon let me go and I stood up and started to pace. Dammit! Why was he being so tenacious about this? I’d dealt with my shame in my own way and I knew what I needed to do. It wouldn’t happen again. I wasn’t going to let him down ever again. But he was like a dog with a bone and he just wouldn’t let it go.

“I spoke to Jim last night after you fell asleep” he said calmly, watching me from the bed.

“You did what? What did he say?” I asked thickly, my mouth suddenly dry.

“He said quite a few things and most notably he reminded me what a jackass I am and how in some perverse way you feel responsible for my error in judgment about Matt and the Fan Club. Is this true?” he demanded, catching my hand as I stopped dead in front of him.

“Jon, it’s more my fault than yours. You trusted me to manage things there and I allowed Matt way too much freedom because I was too busy enjoying myself on this tour. It never would have happened if I’d been doing my job the way that you always do yours. You made a mistake when it happened, but it was more understandable. He was your brother and you had reason to trust him and your mom and it wasn’t your job to be minding the store. It was mine and I let you down. I blamed you as a way to avoid facing the fact that it was really my fault, but I promise it’ll never happen again” I bleated out the whole thing, my shame and remorse pouring forth like a wellspring as I confessed my inadequacy.

“For pity’s sake, Trish, will you look at me! Do you honestly think that I hold you responsible for what happened? There’s plenty of blame to go around and I blame myself more than you, but Matt and my mother have the lion’s share of the guilt. What sort of arrogant bastard would I be if I judged your ability based on that particular incident? Don’t you realize how proud I am of you? For Chrissakes…” he swore, having no doubt that Jim’s assessment had been right on the money.

Jon pulled me down roughly onto the bed and hugged me so hard I could barely breathe as the sobs tore forth from my lungs in a rush. It reminded me of the time when my father first told me he loved me after we hadn’t spoken for over a month following a fight. The floodgates had swung open and the relief washed over me like a tide. He wasn’t disappointed in me after all and it didn’t matter to him that I wasn’t perfect.

“Baby, I don’t want you obsessing about work or worrying that I’m gonna lose some respect for you if something goes wrong on occasion. Hell, that’s a standard I don’t wanna live up to either. I’ve enjoyed myself more on this tour than ever before and frankly, so have the guys and I don’t want that to change. I don’t wanna become the workaholic I know I can be and I certainly don’t want that from you. Nobody ever died saying they wished they’d spent more time at work” he grinned, quoting Jim.

I had to agree. While it wouldn’t have been hard to revert back to being consumed with my job, it wasn’t what I wanted and I was glad that Jon didn’t want it to be like that either. He handed me a kleenex and I blew my nose loudly, nodding that I understood.

“And baby, just one more thing” he continued as I waited expectantly. “In the future, will you promise to talk to me? Please don’t make me drag it out of you or beg someone else to tell me what’s bothering you, okay?” he asked, holding my chin so I couldn’t look away.

“I will, Jon. I promise” I said apologetically even though I knew it would be hard. It was one thing to confront a behavior that pissed me off, it was quite another thing for me to show vulnerability. I’d need to work on that.


*************



It was late afternoon when we boarded the plane for New Zealand. The guys were all looking rested and relaxed and the lot of them were playing cards while I surfed the web for some interesting things to see in New Zealand.

“It’s recently come to my attention that there’s a myth that I’m perfect” Jon began, winking at Jim who grinned in response.

“That’s a myth alright” Richie muttered as he threw down a card.

“I was hoping that you guys would help me set the record straight and share some of the memories of the things that went wrong and the bad decisions I made over the years. I can’t seem to recall them myself” he smirked.

The challenge was met with a chorus of hooting and shouts for who got to go first and I laughed as they competed for the chance to tell their best stories. Jim grabbed his pen and opened his notebook, signalling for David to go first. He rubbed his palms together and licked his lips.

“Ah, where to begin…the flight’s only a short one” David said with a gleam and Jon groaned.

“What about the time when he almost started a riot at the first show in Moscow?” Richie offered.

“Or how about the time when we had to go down to the police station in Prague and vouch for his identity?” Hugh threw out.

“What about the time we got escorted out of Vancouver and were asked never to come back?” Tico volunteered to which Jon only groaned.

“It’s going to be a long flight” he laughed, rolling his eyes.

The remainder of the flight went by fast as the guys regaled Jim and I with tales of Jon’s lesser known foibles and Jon, for his part, took it in stride. He knew he’d matured a lot over the years, but it had come at a price, and he wasn’t shy any longer about sharing his mistakes. Most of the stories, if the truth were to be known, were from the band’s heyday when they were all young and foolish and Jon gave as good as he got. He spared no expense at reminding Tico of the time they had to pay for the fancy golf cart he’d crashed into the ocean right there in Australia or the time that Tico and David were found asleep in each other’s arms after they’d passed out while fighting.

“Hey, what about that time when you were drunk and almost ended up married to that broad in Fresno? I saved your ass, remember, bro?” Richie cackled wickedly.

“Shall I enlighten Jim and Trish about the chandelier that I paid for that earned you your nickname, eh, buddy?” Jon tossed back and Richie turned four shades of purple.

“Don’t go there or I’ll tell ’em about the cross-dressing dude that you and Teek were both mooning over ’till you saw him go in the men’s room!” Richie fought back.

And so it went until my face hurt from laughing. There were stories as well of a more serious nature that Jon shared himself about business dealings gone badly. Everyone grew more subdued when they talked about Doc and how hard he had driven the guys. Jon still regretted allowing himself to be used by the industry “machine” and blamed his poor judgment back then for some of the permanent damage to his vocal chords. The tone became even more somber when they discussed Doc’s arrest for trafficking drugs. That incident left such a sour taste in everyone’s mouth that it led to Jon’s policy against drugs. There were other stories too that clearly demonstrated the struggles and life lessons they all had endured before becoming the nearly flawless performers they were now.

“So, does this put to the rest the myth of my perfection?” Jon asked summarily as we landed and we all nodded our heads.