Tuesday, July 15, 2008

The Sauna Part 214

We had finished our chili and we’d moved to the living room to continue our visit. Cherie had wine, while Jim and I opted for coffee instead. It was my first opportunity to show off the house and entertain and I was rather enjoying myself. I had forgotten how much Jim and I had in common aside from our spiritual differences. The main topic of conversation had become the cats!

“I see Opie hasn’t been starving?” Jim laughed as the big cat purred contentedly on Jim’s lap.

“Hardly! He is down to twenty-two pounds, though!” I announced proudly.

“Down? What was his top weight?” he inquired.

“He was twenty-four pounds at one point” I admitted rather sheepishly.

“Yikes! Hey, wanna see a picture of my baby boy?” Jim asked as he reached for his wallet.

“He’s gorgeous! What’s his name?” I asked as I looked at the picture of the big orange tomcat.

“Zack. Mom’s taking care of him for me while I’m away. How long do you expect to be in Europe?” he asked, curious how long this gig would last.

“Well, that depends. How long can you stay?” I laughed.

“As long as you need, Trish. I’m at your disposal” he replied smoothly.

“I’m thinking of leaving on Friday and coming back toward the end of the month or maybe a little bit later. There’s some stuff I need to do before I leave and I want to make sure the cats are adjusted before I leave them again for so long. Would that work?” I wondered.

“It works for me, but what about you, Cher?” he asked, turning to her.

“I can stay for a few weeks at least and maybe longer. I took a leave of absence from work until I sort all this out and I can fly back if I have to before Trish is back” she offered.

I’d written out a check for Jim as I had promised to pay him for this favor and I knew he needed the money. I went to retrieve it and refill my coffee while I left them alone to discuss it. When I returned I noticed Cherie was sitting closer to Jim on the couch and I began to wonder just how much they’d bonded on the trip out here. I handed the check to Jim and he smiled and looked up at me.

“Trish, that’s more than generous. Like I said, I’m at your disposal” he said as he nodded his head.

I took them on a tour of the house and showed them each to their rooms. I had given Cherie the guest room while I’d made up a place for Jim on a couch in the den. Cherie and I lingered a bit in her room while Jim settled in for the night. He looked pretty tired as he’d done the bulk of the driving. I helped Cherie unpack as we talked now that we had some privacy.

“Tell me what happened, Cher. How did things get so bad between you and Dave?” I prompted.

“Well, you know we’ve had issues for years” she began.

“Yeah, I know, but you’ve always managed to work through them before. What’s different this time?” I wanted to know.

“Trish, he hit me” she said simply with tears in her eyes.

“Oh, sweet Goddess, Cherie, I’m sorry!” I cried as I hugged her. “Tell me what happened.”

Cherie told me her tale from beginning to end and I learned that things had deteriorated over the past month. Dave had demanded that she give up her involvement in the band she had formed with a couple of guys who were friends. They had finally gotten a regular gig at a local bar and that had been the final straw for Dave who had never condoned her outside activities, especially the band. Cherie had refused to quit and they had a heated argument and Dave began calling her names and throwing her stuff at her and told her to get out. She stood her ground this time, refusing to leave, and that set him off.

That was the piece that was different this time. She had always caved in and acquiesced to his demands, no matter how unreasonable they’d been. But this time he was asking to much and she decided to make a stand. He’d really lost it then and had grabbed her by the throat and pinned her against the wall and screamed in her face. When she refused to look at him, he slapped her again and again until she complied and she realized she couldn’t live like that anymore.

“Did you call the police? Did you press charges?” I asked, knowing we’d talked many times about just such a possibility.

“No, I was just too afraid. I know we had worked out a safety plan, Trish, but how were you going to come and get me when you were out in New Jersey” she reminded me.

I felt a lump in my throat as I realized I hadn’t been there for her when she needed me. I just hadn’t thought about that when Jon and I left and I realized too late that I could no longer be her safety net since my life had changed so much.

“Cherie, I am so sorry. I never even thought about that…” I began.

“Trish, it isn’t your fault. All those years and I never called you when I should have. Why would you think about that when it’s never come up before now? I was the one who should have seen this coming, but I just didn’t want to believe Dave would ever take it this far” she cried miserably.

“Oh Cherie, don’t blame yourself either. It’s Dave who’s at fault here and I’m so glad you’re safe right now. I understand completely now why you left as you did. Baby, you know he won’t change, right? It’s only going to get worse” I said sympathetically.

“I don’t wanna believe that, Trish. It’s my second marriage and I don’t wanna fail again. Dave’s left dozens of messages and he knows what he did and he’s so sorry. He swears he’ll never lose it like that again. He’s even willing to go to marriage counseling now” she pleaded with me to believe there was hope.

I wanted to believe it too as I knew that she loved him, but I knew better than to think he would change. Their relationship had always been about power and control, not about anger management, as Cherie wanted to believe. Dave had a hair trigger temper, but only with her. He never managed to lose it at work or with anyone else for that matter and I pointed that out.

“But Trish, he’s so insecure when it comes to me. You know how jealous he gets and he’s just afraid of losing me” she tried rationalizing.

“Cherie, that’s bullshit and you know it. It’s not love that feeds his jealousy, it’s control. C’mon babe, you’ve seen this pattern with clients. You know where it’s going” I urged her.

“But I think Dave is different; you know how his family is. He never learned how to handle things differently and he’s willing to try” she continued.

“Listen to what you are saying! You’re making excuses! He’s perfectly capable of controlling his anger at work. In fact, remember how angry he got with me that one time when we argued? He didn’t dare ‘lose control’ and try to intimidate me, did he?” I reminded her of an incident a few years ago.

“No, he just blamed me later for not sticking up for him. I know he never attacks anyone else the way he does with me, but I provoke him” she tried to excuse him again.

“Stop it! How did you provoke him? You just refused to give up your life to placate him this time and you’ve avoided this all these years by giving in to his demands! How is disagreeing with someone a justifiable cause for violence?” I demanded.

She hung her head now and wouldn’t meet my eyes and I hoped that I’d finally gotten through. I’d heard all the excuses for years from my clients and I knew how this went. Dave would apologize and promise everything under the sun while he went to great lengths to win her back, but once he felt secure again it would start all over. I reminded her of the cycle she knew well as a therapist. Hell, she’d lived it the first time around in her first marriage.

“I guess deep down that’s why I needed to come here, Trish. I trust you and I know you won’t let me go down” she said as she hugged me.

“Cherie, no matter where I might be at the time, I’ll always be here for you, kiddo. You’re my best friend!” I cried as I hugged her to me.

“Thanks, Trish” she said through the tears and I rocked her, wishing I could soothe all the pain, but it would be a long time before she was able to heal.

“We’ll talk in the morning. You need to get some rest and it’s getting late, Cher. Is there anything you need before I turn in?” I asked, feeling her sobs subsiding.

“No, I’m good for now. I think I can sleep. I haven’t done much of that lately” she smiled wanly.

I hugged her goodnight and went to my room. I really wanted to talk to Jon and I checked the time. It was just after one and I did the math; it was just about eight in the morning in England. I knew it was early, but I dialed his cell anyway and it went straight to voice mail. I left him a message and got ready for bed.

3 comments:

Queenie said...

I feel bad for Cherie and I want to cheer for Trish. I hope Cherie doesn't go back to Dave. Why is it some men think its perfectly fine to hit a woman, apologize, beg and plead to get her back only to do it all again? I hope Cherie does the right thing and leaves his sorry self in the dust.

Great chapter Opester.

Anonymous said...

I think Cherie will move towards Jim, which would keep him away from Trish....

but not before a little more of the green eyed monster comes out in Jon!!

Great Chapter!!

Linda

Sunstreaked said...

Argh! Rationalizing away bad behavior! Makes me crazy! They DID mean and it they WILL do it again! You're right too, it's about power and control. Grrr!

Good conversation there between the two. Shows how we can all ignore the signs of something we know we should pay attention to.