The Sauna Part 169

Jon and I made it back to the cottage and decided we would rather order dinner in our rooms than stop at a restaurant as we needed to get cleaned up. We were sweaty and covered with dust from the trek to the vortex and back and I was anxious to take a shower and get comfortable before dinner. And I didn’t want to share Jon with anyone, not even a waiter, during our last night in Sedona.

I turned on the shower while Jon grabbed the room service menu and we made our selections. The water had warmed up and I stepped into the shower while Jon called in our order and I waited for him to join me. The warm spray beat onto my back as I stood there with my eyes closed, sensing Jon’s presence without having heard him come in. He stood in front of me, just out of the reach of the water’s spray and watched me as his eyes darkened with lust. I opened my eyes as I felt his hands on my breasts, cupping their fullness in his roughened palms. His thumbs flicked my nipples, but his eyes were locked onto mine.

“Baby, I want you” he purred, his voice having deepened an octave or two.

I reached for him and drew him closer under the water and he hummed in my ear.

Like the roses need the rain.
Baby, I need you,
Like the poet needs the pain

I melted against his chest, as he held me and began to sway to the melody we both could hear in our memory. I rested my head against his shoulder as he rocked us gently and his hands trailed down to rest on my hips. He stepped back a bit and I looked into his eyes, soft and tender and shining with love as he spoke.

“Trish, I couldn’t possibly love you more than I do and I know that we are married in the way that matters most, but I wanna marry you legally in the eyes of the world. I need to know that no matter what happens in the future that you will be taken care of and that no one will ever question that you’re my wife” he said as he put a finger to my lips to stop me from speaking before he finished.

“I don’t want this for myself, as I know we are bound to one another for eternity and that our commitment is deeper than any legal agreement in the world. I want this for you, because if anything ever happened to me… well, no one would acknowledge you as my wife. I wanna protect you and know that you’ll be safe even if I’m not there to take care of you. Please baby, will you do this for me?” he pleaded.

I was completely stunned. I had never even considered the possibility he was describing and I didn’t want to believe it could ever happen and I shook my head violently. I didn’t want to go on without him. If I lost Jon, nothing else mattered. The tears were streaming down my face and he saw the look of sheer terror in my eyes and began to realize what I was thinking as he felt my body trembling in his arms.

“Ssshhh, baby, stop and listen to me. I’m not going anywhere, I’m not dying and I’ll never leave you willingly. But I’ll be away in Europe and other times too and I can’t leave you knowing the position you’d be in if something unforeseen ever happened” he said soothingly.

The panic had taken hold of me and I could barely digest what he’d said. He held me tighter and stroked my back, whispering all manner of reassurances in my ear as I tried to absorb what he was saying.

“You’re okay? You’re not dying? Is there something you aren’t telling me? Jon, please, tell me the truth. Is everything okay with you? Why on earth are you thinking about such a thing?” I demanded, my voice cracking as I began to sob again.

“Shit, darlin’, I didn’t mean to scare you. Honest to God, there is nothing wrong with me, really. It’s just that I love you so much and I know with the tour coming up that I’ll be away and I was thinking how much I was going to miss you and I started to think and … I’ve just been thinking about how I can protect you if anything ever did happen and how can I make sure you have everything you need while I’m away” he said, silently cursing himself for tearing my heart out and making me worry.

“Jon, you are the only thing I ever needed” I said, starting to breathe normally again.

“Trish, listen to me now, okay? I would just rest easier if I knew that we were married legally. Then you’d have access to everything I own too. If you need something, you can just go and get it and no one will hassle or question you about your rights. Maybe it’s just a male thing, but I wanna protect you. I want to take care of you. Is that so crazy?” he persisted, trying to make me aware of all the difficulties I might encounter without any legal status as he’d been thinking about this for a while now.

I realized then that he had truly given this some thought and that perhaps I hadn’t been thinking about what it would be like when we separated. I still didn’t want to think about that and I admitted to myself that I had pushed the thought out of my mind on more than one occasion. I still refused to think about the possibility of life without Jon and it wasn’t a notion I would ever be willing to entertain. But there would be times when we were separated and I hated to feel as though I would have to ask for money if something was broken or have Jon have to worry about taking care of things. And mostly I didn’t want him to have to shoulder the burden of worrying about me when he was away.

“I’m sorry, Jon, I overreacted. I just can’t bear the thought of living without you and I won’t ever consider that. I just won’t. But I understand what you’re saying about when you’re away and I admit I’ve wondered how your poor brother is going to explain the statement you made on Backstage” I laughed.

“Yeah, I’m sure he wasn’t too happy to be left with that little problem” he laughed too as the tension eased up. “Are you still afraid of what might happen if we make our marriage legal?” he asked, eyeing me seriously.

“Truthfully? No, I’m really not anymore. I know now that what worried me before could never happen to us. If I ever lost your love, I might as well die and I love you for wanting to take care of me and protect me. How could that possibly scare me?” I smiled.

“Is that a yes that I hear?” he said with a twinkle in his eye.

“Yes, Jon, I’ll marry you again” I smirked.