The Sauna Part 107

The day at work felt like complete drudgery after the fun we’d had this morning. But despite that I managed to concentrate on my work and get a lot done. I skipped lunch instead of staying late to make up for the time I’d missed and I managed to wrap up the project I was working on by four-thirty.

I called Jon and suggested he meet me at the Hamburg Grille, since it was right around the corner from work and I was hungry. I’d caught up with Paul during a smoke break around noon and he had tempted me already with a review of tonight’s specials. Jon agreed to meet me at the restaurant just after five and Paul ushered me to a table in the corner, somewhat away from the crowd.

I had a bottle of wine ready and waiting when Jon arrived and I poured us each a glass as he sat down. The waitresses were all in a lather and vying for the opportunity to wait on Jon after having seen the autographed menu from our last visit. I had never seen them that attentive when I had come in dozens of times before I thought to myself with a smile. Paul intervened and waited on us himself and recited the specialties for Jon.

“You know what I want already” I winked at Paul who nodded while Jon raised his eyebrows slightly.

“And what would that be?” he asked, eyeing me.

“Paul lured me over by making my favorite, chicken Marguerite” I explained as Paul grinned knowingly and proceeded to describe it.

“I know what Trish likes, so I know how to get to her” he said simply as Jon watched me intently.

“I’ll try the same thing, it sounds interesting” he said, trying to sound casual.

“Just how well does he know you?” Jon asked as soon as Paul had left and I hesitated, feeling uncomfortable.

“Tell me” he said, as I tried to look away.

I hadn’t foreseen this complication and I really wasn’t prepared to tell him about my history with Paul. I never thought it would have been so obvious. I was used to Paul’s flirtatiousness and hadn’t really given it a second thought, but it didn’t escape Jon’s notice.

“Well enough” I answered evasively.

“Answer the question” Jon countered, unwilling to leave it at that.

“Relax, you’ve nothing to worry about” I said soothingly.

“Answer me” he said with an edge in his voice.

“Paul and I were lovers once, but it was before I met you and it’s been over for a long time and we’re simply friends” I answered, gritting my teeth and wishing he would just let it go and cursing Paul for being such a damn flirt.

“How long?” Jon persisted.

“Stop it. Long enough, okay? We all have a past, you know. I wasn’t a nun before I met you and you were hardly a choir boy. Would you like it if I questioned you about every past relationship you ever had?” I said heatedly.

Jon was silent for a moment and I assumed I’d made my point. I had never experienced his jealous side before and I didn’t particularly like it. Paul and I were both workaholics who were drawn to each other by our shared devotion to our jobs and our close proximity to one another. But we really hadn’t lasted as lovers, neither of us having the time to devote to a relationship. But we had remained friends who occasionally sought out one another’s company on a cold night. And I had no intention of sharing that with Jon. It was over now anyway.

“It isn’t over for him” Jon said quietly.

“What?” I asked, startled.

Damn him. He was far too perceptive. I knew there was still chemistry between me and Paul, but it wasn’t going to go anywhere. I needed Jon to trust me. Did he really think I had any intention of cheating on him just because there were remnants of an old attraction?

“I see the way he looks at you and the special attention he gives us, and it ain’t because I’m a celebrity. He was testing me” he said in a tone of voice I was beginning to dislike.

“He’s a flirt, Jon. It doesn’t mean anything” I said, trying to persuade him to drop it.

“Maybe not to you …” he said meaningfully.

“What are you saying?” I asked, getting angry now.

“It means something to me that you’re still hanging around with your old boyfriend” he said in an icy voice.

I was outraged. How dare he insult me like this? I felt the color rising to my cheeks now as my fury began to rise. What was he insinuating? Was he saying he didn’t trust me after all we’d shared?

“Are you saying that you don’t trust me?” I demanded. “You just went home for four days and had dinner with your ex-wife and your kids. Did you see me throwing a jealous fit?”

“I’m not attracted to Dot anymore and we were with the kids. Key word there. With the kids. We have a reason to still be connected. What’s your excuse?” he lashed out.

“Friendship, you jackass. Friendship” I retorted as I stood up and stalked off to the bathroom, shaking with rage and hurt, and leaving Jon to sit there and consider his words.

Alone in the bathroom, I locked the door and cried. I couldn’t believe what just happened. I loved Jon deeply, but I didn’t like him much at the moment. How could he doubt me that way? I had done nothing to provoke such behavior. Or had I? I hadn’t given Paul a second thought after meeting Jon. But had I not met Jon? That was different. How would I feel if I were in his shoes? Flattered that he was no longer interested in an old lover who still wanted him. That’s how I’d have felt. And probably rather pleased to flaunt my catch in front of an old flame of his.

Jon sat alone at the table scowling. He wasn’t sure who he was angry with at the moment. He wanted to be angry with me, but he slowly began to realize he was angrier with himself. What had he said? “What’s your excuse?” Jesus, what a thing to say. He’d stopped just short of accusing me of being unfaithful. I am a jackass, he thought to himself miserably just as Paul appeared with our dinners.

“Where’s Trish?” Paul asked innocently enough.

“It’s none of your business. She doesn’t belong to you anymore” Jon shot back, making Paul the target for his venom now.

“Excuse me?” Paul said, somewhat indignant.

“You heard me. I know, I saw you watching her. Back off, man. I mean it” he threatened.

“Whoa, buddy. Chill out. Yeah, I still care about her, I admit that. She’s good people and I don’t wanna see her get hurt by some asshole rock star she thinks she’s in love with, you know? But she hasn’t looked at me twice since she hooked up with you, okay?” Paul shot back just as I started to approach the table.

I was still furious with Jon, but I was more worried now as I saw the scene in front of me and I didn’t want this thing going any further. They were staring at each other like two pit bulls and this could only mean trouble. They both looked at me as I came closer and I noticed Paul looked annoyed. Jon looked more miserable than a beaten puppy as opposed to the green-eyed monster he’d appeared to be earlier.

“Are you okay? What’s wrong? Did he hurt you?” Paul said, flashing Jon a dirty look before glancing back to me.

“Yeah, I’m afraid I did. And you’re both right, I am an ass. Baby, I’m so sorry. Please, forgive me?” Jon said beseechingly as he looked at me.

Paul reached over and put his hand on my shoulder in a protective gesture and shook his head.

“I’ll let you two talk, but you know where I am if you need me, hon” he said and I nodded and sat down.

Jon reached out and took my hands and looked at me. I wanted to forgive him, but I was still angry. I looked directly into his eyes, but I didn’t say a thing. I was willing to listen to him though. He took a deep breath and began.

“Baby, I don’t know what came over me, but I owe you an apology. I saw him flirting with you and the familiar way you were with him and the thought of friendship never crossed my mind. I just knew there had been something between you and when you avoided my questions …”

“Because you weren’t entitled to the answers” I interrupted.

“I know. I acted like a pig and I am sorry. I do trust you, I really do. I’m just possessive and when I thought you were still attracted to him, well, I just lost it. I don’t know what to say. But honestly, I feel like a heel. And I am so sorry I hurt you” he said, sounding sincere.

“You insulted me and that’s harder to forgive than hurting me” I said quietly and I meant it as a warning.

“I won’t ever do it again, I swear” he promised.

The genuine remorse in his voice finally won out and I began to thaw. What I’d said was true, though. I could get over being hurt, but it would take some time before I would forget that he had been disrespectful and mistrusted me. I knew he loved me, but he had to respect me and trust me too.

“Jon, there will be tests ahead for both of us. Tomorrow, in fact, as another old boyfriend will be at the party. It’ll happen on my part too, I’m sure. When we’re back in Jersey, or out at some publicity affair, I’m going to meet people that you’ve had a past with too. We need to trust each other. And above all, we need to respect each other. Loving each other is easy. Do you understand what I’m saying?” I asked.

“Yeah, darlin’, I do, and you’re right. I won’t blow it a second time. I make mistakes, but I don’t repeat them. Can you still trust me enough to let me prove that?” he asked and I understood his meaning.

“Yeah, love. You don’t have to be perfect for me to trust you, or forgive you” I said smiling now. “Can we eat our dinner now?”

“Yes, now I can eat. Besides, I don’t want to insult your friend twice in one night” he grinned back and I squeezed his hand, happy we’d taken a big step forward.